I had the heart cath on March 6th and found out that day that I didn't have the terminal illness that was suspected. The cardiologist did find an anomalous RCA and scheduled me for a CAT scan to find out the origin and course of the artery. I knew that the CAT scan would determine if the anomaly was benign or malignant and whether I would need heart surgery or not.
I had the scan on a Wednesday and received a call from the cardiologist the next day. They told me that they needed to see me to discuss the results. My appointment was scheduled for the following Tuesday. Up to that point, I had such peace about all of this but with that one phone call, I became unglued inside.
After much soul searching over the next couple of days I realized that I wasn't fearful of the outcome. Instead, I was bothered by the wait. I didn't like that the doctor knew my results and I didn't. I wanted to know my "fate" right away. This impatience manifested itself in me in the from of constant internal turmoil. I woke up thinking about it, went to bed thinking about it and struggled with those thought all day.
This was so out of character for me. When I went through brain surgery almost a decade ago, I was flooded with the peace that passes all understanding. In every difficult situation along the way the Lord gave just what I needed, when I needed it. This constant anxiety became a big internal struggle for me. I was reminded of a story I heard from Francis Chan where he talked of a church member who was a former Mr. Universe or something like that. His wife was also a body builder and together, they were quite an impressive pair. Anyone would expect that their children would be strong and tough, too but what if, he mused, they were the weak, little twerps. Then he made the connection between that scenario and the Lord.
We serve a mighty and powerful God who is capable of ANYTHING. Why then do so many Christians was around fearful and anxious when we're His children? It just doesn't add up! Because of this, I could not accept anxiety as a "normal" emotion given my circumstance. God promises peace in ALL situations so I began to plead to the Lord to help me through the impatient feelings I was having and to replace them with peace.
For days, this way my constant prayer but no matter how hard I prayed and how much scripture I read, I couldn't shake the anxiety. I felt so strongly that no matter what I would have to face in regard to my health that I wanted to look back and know I pleased my Heavenly Father with how I handled it so I prayed even more.
Finally on Sunday, still two days until my appointment, I pleaded with the Lord to give me a word or something that would ease my heart and mind. Later that afternoon, a good friend of mine came to visit. When she heard about my heart troubles she prayed for me as we walked around camp. She had no idea of the inner turmoil I was facing but as she prayed for me, she said, "And I thank you Lord that you already know..."
With those words and the realization that God already knew the results, I was filled with peace... a peace that washed away the anxious feelings. It was so elementary (Duh! I knew that God knows everything!) but that was the word from God that I had prayed for earlier and it was just the reminder I needed. I didn't need to know my results right away because God already knew. God is so faithful to have answered my prayer.
With that, I went into Tuesday with true peace and patience. And wouldn't you know, my cardiologist was ill on Tuesday and couldn't see me until Wednesday. When the doctor's office called to reschedule I didn't even feel upset for a moment because I immediately recognized it as a test to see if I would only trust Him for so many days:) I praise the Lord for bringing me through that experience and He has continued to give me what I need to walk this out. He is faithful!!!